I discovered the joy of running to my iPod this morning. I trained for a half-marathon without ever running with music because the music on my iPod was all really boring for running. I finally downloaded some new tunes and got my awesome hubby to figure out why my music wasn't syncing properly and this morning I had a great run with my new music. My running playlist:
Let's Get it Started - Blackeyed Peas
Since You've Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson
Pocketful of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield
Survivor - Destiny's Child
Eye of the Tiger - Survivor
Welcome to the Jungle - Guns N' Roses
My favorites were definitely "Let's Get it Started" and "Welcome to the Jungle." I was so pumped up that decided to run 4 miles instead of 3 on a route that used to kick my butt! It's been a while since I ran that particular route and it was good to see how much I've progressed since I first started training for the half-marathon. Yeah me!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Body Image
One question that has been nagging at me since my daughter was born is: "How do I teach her to love her body and see herself as beautiful?". I came across this article that reminded me of my concerns: 'Teaching kids what attractive really means.' Basically, the story talks about how important it is to model good body image to your kids. When I was reading this story, it actually brought tears to my eyes because I have never had a good body image that I can remember. I can't remember a time when I didn't obsess over my body. I'm sure there was a time before I hit puberty, but I don't remember it. The earliest memory I have of a peer saying something about my looks was in 7th grade. I was walking by myself outside the school and two boys passed by me. One of them was my neighbor (and yes, I remember his name). He looked at the other and said, "that's the girl you think has big'uns." I was mortified! If I hadn't already been self-conscious about my early developed and larger then average breasts, I would have been after hearing that! It clearly affected me if I remember all those details. I know I can't stop things like that from happening to Kaitlin; I just hope I can teach her to handle them well and to love herself and others no matter what they look like!
Anyway, having gotten back into some bad habits of emotional eating, I am reminded that Kaitlin is always watching and that I don't want to teach her the same bad habits I have developed. It's actually one of the reasons I finally started Weight Watchers. I was having such a hard time losing weight after she was born and I really needed some accountability. I didn't want to teach my poor self management to Kaitlin. While the structure and accountability of Weight Watchers really helped me manage my food intake and lose weight, I am seeing that I need to do some more work to manage my emotions so that I don't slip back into my old habits all the time.
Anyway, having gotten back into some bad habits of emotional eating, I am reminded that Kaitlin is always watching and that I don't want to teach her the same bad habits I have developed. It's actually one of the reasons I finally started Weight Watchers. I was having such a hard time losing weight after she was born and I really needed some accountability. I didn't want to teach my poor self management to Kaitlin. While the structure and accountability of Weight Watchers really helped me manage my food intake and lose weight, I am seeing that I need to do some more work to manage my emotions so that I don't slip back into my old habits all the time.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
A Good Day
Yesterday was a really good day; I actually felt productive! I'm having a hard time getting back on track. I never sat down and had a "quiet time" but I did have a few conversations with God throughout the day (which might actually be better). One of the main things I did, was to look to God when I wanted to eat. I recently lost 27pounds with Weight Watchers, but got off track over the holidays and gained a couple back. Since then, I'm having a hard time getting back in the Weight Watchers mode. Once I slip up, I get the attitude that I already messed up for the day (or the week), I can eat whatever I want. I really have seen my old habits of emotional eating emerging again and that is never a good thing. Honestly, instead of making me feel better, the eating makes me feel worse (and then I eat more). This change made a huge difference in my day. I wasn't feeling guilty and down on myself for eating and I was able to focus on getting some other things done. I went through my dresser drawers and sorted out the clothes in them -some too big, some to get ride of. Now you can almost see the top of the dresser! I have a few more little things to take care of today. I also gave the dog a bath and played with him a little bit. I wish I had waited; my husband was going to offer to pay me $100 to do it (he smelled really bad)!
Well, I need to go do some exercises and take a shower before the little one wakes up. I'm feeling really good about yesterday and I have a great feeling about today!
Well, I need to go do some exercises and take a shower before the little one wakes up. I'm feeling really good about yesterday and I have a great feeling about today!
Monday, January 19, 2009
2009 Accomplishment #1
I tend to be a pretty negative person, at least about myself, so I decided that I need to recognize my accomplishments. Maybe it will help me see myself more like God sees me instead of seeing all the bad stuff. So, my first accomplishment of 2009 is that I ran a half-marathon. Yes, that's right, I ran 13.1 miles. I've been training for a while and on January, 10 2009, I ran the Donald Duck Half Marathon at Disney World. My official time was 2:45:49, which is a really great time for me! That is under a 13 minute mile pace. Yeah me!
That's me just before the finishe line in the blue shirt next to the guy in red shorts (my awesome hubby).
That's me just before the finishe line in the blue shirt next to the guy in red shorts (my awesome hubby).
I am not SuperMom
I long to be SuperMom. I would love for my house to be clean all the time, for my pantry to be organized and always have exactly what I need. I would love to make the perfect dinner every night that I know everyone will eat and not have to make a separate meal for Kaitlin. I would love to always have just the right distraction on hand to keep Kaitlin from crying/screaming when I take something away from her. I would love to always know exactly what she needs all the time. I would love to have new, fun, engaging activities planned for each day so that she won't be bored and want to watch TV. But, I am not SuperMom. My house is a complete wreck, we pretty much eat the same things night after night, Kaitlin screams when I take things away from her no matter how good the distraction, and sometimes, I put her on her bean bag chair in front of the TV just so I can sit still for a little while. It would take a pretty big turn around for me to become SuperMom. I would have to give up blogging, reading, and relaxing in general during Kaitlin's nap times so that I could get all the cleaning and organizing done. Sometimes I think I would be happier if my house were cleaner and more organized. I think I would be in some ways because I wouldn't be so disappointed in myself for being lazy.
Sometimes I Hate Being a Mom
I've never been a very confident person (as far as I can remember) and sometimes I'm very uncertain about how to deal with Kaitlin. Those are the times I don't really enjoy being a mom. I don't know what to do and that makes me feel stupid and drains my energy quickly. The past few nights have been like that. The first night, Kaitlin kept signing "eat" right before bed (in PJs, listening to bed time music, about to get into bed). Now she ate dinner and had eaten a pretty good snack just before getting ready for bed and even passed on the nilla wafers so I assumed she was just trying to stay up longer and told her she could drink more milk. She refused it and I put her to bed. Within 5 minutes she was asleep so she must not have been too hungry! I was pretty confident at this point, but she woke up in the middle of the night wanting to eat.
The next night, I opened the refridgerator to get Kaitlin's bottle ready and she climbed into the fridge, opened a drawer and reached in for a banana. Then she practically pulled the bread off the shelf. She ate most of the banana, most of a piece of toast, a slice of cheese, about 10 goldfish crackers, and 3 mini nilla wafers. Holy Cow! She slept all night long. So we thought, "she must be having a growth spurt." Last night, she wanted to color at bedtime. I set a timer for five minutes and told her that when the timer beeps she had to stop coloring and go to bed. She colored for about 30 seconds and started signing eat. I gave her leftover mac n cheese from dinner and half a piece of toast. She gobbled down the toast and then sat in the high chair for 45 minutes "eating" mac n cheese. Mostly she was playing with it and when we started to ask if she was finished, she would eat a piece - one noodle. She wouldn't use her signs to let us know if she was really done or wanted more. It was very frustrating as I didn't know if she was really hungry or just wanting to stay up.
To complicate matters, Kaitlin is very skinny and has already had bloodwork done because her growth rate dropped off too much. I am supposed to take her in for a weight check this week and if she hasn't gained enough weight, she's going to have to have bloodwork again. This situation makes it very difficult for me to deny her food and just continues the cycle of uncertainty. I wish I knew the right thing to do. I wish I felt confident enough in myself to figure this out. I don't want to deny her food, but she was really tired and needed to go to bed. My husband and I need time together and we get it after Kaitlin is in bed; if she goes to bed late we either stay up way too late or we just don't get time together.
Any thoughts? Does this situation sound like she's manipulating us to stay up longer? Do you think she's really hungry?
The next night, I opened the refridgerator to get Kaitlin's bottle ready and she climbed into the fridge, opened a drawer and reached in for a banana. Then she practically pulled the bread off the shelf. She ate most of the banana, most of a piece of toast, a slice of cheese, about 10 goldfish crackers, and 3 mini nilla wafers. Holy Cow! She slept all night long. So we thought, "she must be having a growth spurt." Last night, she wanted to color at bedtime. I set a timer for five minutes and told her that when the timer beeps she had to stop coloring and go to bed. She colored for about 30 seconds and started signing eat. I gave her leftover mac n cheese from dinner and half a piece of toast. She gobbled down the toast and then sat in the high chair for 45 minutes "eating" mac n cheese. Mostly she was playing with it and when we started to ask if she was finished, she would eat a piece - one noodle. She wouldn't use her signs to let us know if she was really done or wanted more. It was very frustrating as I didn't know if she was really hungry or just wanting to stay up.
To complicate matters, Kaitlin is very skinny and has already had bloodwork done because her growth rate dropped off too much. I am supposed to take her in for a weight check this week and if she hasn't gained enough weight, she's going to have to have bloodwork again. This situation makes it very difficult for me to deny her food and just continues the cycle of uncertainty. I wish I knew the right thing to do. I wish I felt confident enough in myself to figure this out. I don't want to deny her food, but she was really tired and needed to go to bed. My husband and I need time together and we get it after Kaitlin is in bed; if she goes to bed late we either stay up way too late or we just don't get time together.
Any thoughts? Does this situation sound like she's manipulating us to stay up longer? Do you think she's really hungry?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Resolution Update
Well, I was doing well with my first resolution for a few days and then we went out of town. Now I am behind! Our church is doing a series called "Alive" that is helping me. As a part of the series, there is a blog for each day to guide you through the book of Colossians. So, I was reading the blog everyday and journaling for my quiet time, but of course being out of town I wasn't able to read the blog and now I am behind. I feel like I need to read all the blogs I missed in order to continue and I don't really have time to do that so I am stuck.
My resolution to get organized isn't going well either. I decided to start with the kitchen and had big ideas for yesterday, when Kaitlin was at Children's Morning Out, but nothing happened. I think I must be a "big idea" person rather than a detail person because I have these wonderful images of a clean organized kitchen and have no idea how to get there. Everytime I try, I seem to make things worse!
I did go to a wine tasting last week with the moms group I belong to and had a great time. The group also went out to dinner afterwards, but I couldn't go since we were leaving town the next day. I really wish I'd been able to go. We traveled to Orlando for the Disney Marathon Weekend. My in-laws were all there and we had a great time. My husband, brother-in-law, and I ran the half marathon and my goofy husband ran the marathon as well. I've been a runner on and off since high school, but this is the first time I've done such a long race. I'm very proud of myself! You can see pictures on my other blog (as soon as I get around to posting them).
My resolution to get organized isn't going well either. I decided to start with the kitchen and had big ideas for yesterday, when Kaitlin was at Children's Morning Out, but nothing happened. I think I must be a "big idea" person rather than a detail person because I have these wonderful images of a clean organized kitchen and have no idea how to get there. Everytime I try, I seem to make things worse!
I did go to a wine tasting last week with the moms group I belong to and had a great time. The group also went out to dinner afterwards, but I couldn't go since we were leaving town the next day. I really wish I'd been able to go. We traveled to Orlando for the Disney Marathon Weekend. My in-laws were all there and we had a great time. My husband, brother-in-law, and I ran the half marathon and my goofy husband ran the marathon as well. I've been a runner on and off since high school, but this is the first time I've done such a long race. I'm very proud of myself! You can see pictures on my other blog (as soon as I get around to posting them).
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
New Year's Resolutions
I have made three New Year's Resolutions this year. They are actually all related because I think I need to do each of these in order to accomplish the others.
1. Grow closer to God by putting Him first in my life. I can't do anything without God, right? This is definitely the most important resolution I've made. I believe doing this will help me focus on the important things and keep me from wasting lots of time doing nothing and worrying about stupid stuff.
2. Get organized. I'm pretty confident that if the president came to my house today, he would declare it a national disaster area. Now, most people who come over would disagree with that because what you see looks OK. It's cluttered (we do have a toddler), but not horrible. But, if you were to look behind all the doors we close when you come over, you would understand what I mean. The closets are crammed full of stuff, most of which we don't use and if we wanted to we couldn't get to it. There are stacks of paper everywhere. I feel so burdened by all the clutter and mess and I imagine feeling free to go out and do things once everything is straightened up.
I don't want to just get physically organized. I want to have some sort of routine each day. It's hard to have a quiet time with God each day when I don't have a specific time set aside for it. But without a routine, it's hard to set that time aside.
3. Have more of a social life. I really don't have much of a social life or close friends, so I'm going to make an effort this year to get involved in some things I've been avoiding. I've already got something on the calendar! I'm going to a wine tasting tomorrow night with the Mommies group I belong to (but never do anything with). They're going to dinner afterwards, but I'm going to skip that because I need to get ready for our trip to Orlando on Thursday.
Well, those are my New Year's resolutions for 2009. Check back soon to see my progress!
1. Grow closer to God by putting Him first in my life. I can't do anything without God, right? This is definitely the most important resolution I've made. I believe doing this will help me focus on the important things and keep me from wasting lots of time doing nothing and worrying about stupid stuff.
2. Get organized. I'm pretty confident that if the president came to my house today, he would declare it a national disaster area. Now, most people who come over would disagree with that because what you see looks OK. It's cluttered (we do have a toddler), but not horrible. But, if you were to look behind all the doors we close when you come over, you would understand what I mean. The closets are crammed full of stuff, most of which we don't use and if we wanted to we couldn't get to it. There are stacks of paper everywhere. I feel so burdened by all the clutter and mess and I imagine feeling free to go out and do things once everything is straightened up.
I don't want to just get physically organized. I want to have some sort of routine each day. It's hard to have a quiet time with God each day when I don't have a specific time set aside for it. But without a routine, it's hard to set that time aside.
3. Have more of a social life. I really don't have much of a social life or close friends, so I'm going to make an effort this year to get involved in some things I've been avoiding. I've already got something on the calendar! I'm going to a wine tasting tomorrow night with the Mommies group I belong to (but never do anything with). They're going to dinner afterwards, but I'm going to skip that because I need to get ready for our trip to Orlando on Thursday.
Well, those are my New Year's resolutions for 2009. Check back soon to see my progress!
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