This week, one of the blog hop topics is to write about a past victory. Last week, someone commented that she clicked on my post because of the picture of me and Donald Duck on my profile. I thought it was a little ironic since that picture was taken five years ago after I completed the Donald Duck Half Marathon at Disney World. It was a wonderful weekend! My crazy husband ran the half marathon with me on Saturday and then ran the full marathon on Sunday, completing the "Goofy Race and a Half Challenge." What was ironic about it is that my half marathon training was part of my weight loss plan to get back to my prepregnancy weight. I had started training, but wasn't losing any weight. Probably because I was still eating pretty much whatever I wanted. Some friends of mine were talking about going to Weight Watchers and I had been thinking of going too, so the three of us all started at the same time. I wouldn't say we held each other accountable, but I did find myself wanting to do well because I didn't want them to lose more weight than me! I guess a little friendly competition can be motivating for me! I did great on the Weight Watchers plan and met my goal of getting down to my prepregnancy weight before my daughter's first birthday. I felt great about myself and planned to keep up with WW and keep running. But....a few months later, I got pregnant! I was very excited and planned to continue exercising and eating well, but being pregnant and chasing a toddler don't mix! I felt nauseous most of the time and boy was I tired! I gained more weight with this pregnancy than I did the first. I knew if I started Weight Watchers as soon as possible after my son's birth, I would be able to get the weight off again. So, as soon as I was ready, I went back to Weight Watchers. I was nursing, so I got loads of extra points! After a few weeks, I felt like my milk supply was getting low and ultimately decided to quit WW for a while in order to keep nursing. I can't even tell you how many times I have started WW since then and quit. Usually it only lasts for a week or two and then I give up. It's usually because I have slipped and can't get myself past it: "Oh, it's Thursday and I've already used up all my extra points for the week, there's no way I can make it through the weekend" or "this is too hard with little kids" or "I just need to accept that I'm going to be fat forever and learn to live with it." Not very positive things to tell myself. But, I'm determined to break this terrible cycle and get healthy! I know that I can do it because I have done it before. I may have two kids now instead of one, but that just gives me one more reason to push through the temptation and do this!
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Thursday, January 23, 2014
A Raging Battle
I'm participating in my very first online Bible Study, Made to Crave, through Proverbs 31 Ministries. I decided at the beginning of the year that I needed to be more focused on God and went searching for a daily devotional. The Proverbs 31 devotionals seemed perfect for me so I signed up! Before I knew it, they were advertising an online Bible study about overcoming food issues and making real change in your life. Hmmm...since I am still struggling to lose my "baby weight" that I gained while pregnant with my four-year-old, this seemed like a great fit.
One of the challenges that was put to us this week is to identify our other cravings besides food. At first, I wasn't sure how to name them, but then it hit me: importance. I long to feel important or significant. I am a stay at home mom and I'm pretty sure that if anything happened to me the only people that would miss me are my husband and my children. I don't do anything for the community, so I don't think anyone in the community would miss me. I don't even have any really close friends that I think would be deeply effected by the loss.
This came to me this morning because of a situation at my daughter's school. I am the room mom for her first grade class and today is the 100th day of school. Her teacher asked me to bring in a special treat to celebrate. So on Tuesday, I sent her an e-mail asking what time I should bring the snack. It's Thursday and she still hasn't responded. Well, she hasn't responded because her 5-month-old daughter is sick in the hospital and she hasn't been at school. But I've been so consumed with selfishness and this need to feel important that I have just been mad at her for not responding.
It's not the first time something like this has happened. For whatever reason, people just don't seem to feel a need to respond to my e-mails. When it happens, I get so consumed by it that I can't think of anything else. Why aren't they responding? Don't I matter to them? Isn't my child important enough to warrant a response? Why am I not important to them? I let it overtake me so much that I start to think I'm not important to anyone, even my family. And then I eat. I eat because I think it will satisfy that craving to feel important. I say I want to be healthy for my family, but when I feel like I don't matter to anyone, it is hard to talk myself out of eating those cookies. So, maybe that craving for a cookie (or whatever) isn't really a craving for a cookie, but for something else.
One of the challenges that was put to us this week is to identify our other cravings besides food. At first, I wasn't sure how to name them, but then it hit me: importance. I long to feel important or significant. I am a stay at home mom and I'm pretty sure that if anything happened to me the only people that would miss me are my husband and my children. I don't do anything for the community, so I don't think anyone in the community would miss me. I don't even have any really close friends that I think would be deeply effected by the loss.
This came to me this morning because of a situation at my daughter's school. I am the room mom for her first grade class and today is the 100th day of school. Her teacher asked me to bring in a special treat to celebrate. So on Tuesday, I sent her an e-mail asking what time I should bring the snack. It's Thursday and she still hasn't responded. Well, she hasn't responded because her 5-month-old daughter is sick in the hospital and she hasn't been at school. But I've been so consumed with selfishness and this need to feel important that I have just been mad at her for not responding.
It's not the first time something like this has happened. For whatever reason, people just don't seem to feel a need to respond to my e-mails. When it happens, I get so consumed by it that I can't think of anything else. Why aren't they responding? Don't I matter to them? Isn't my child important enough to warrant a response? Why am I not important to them? I let it overtake me so much that I start to think I'm not important to anyone, even my family. And then I eat. I eat because I think it will satisfy that craving to feel important. I say I want to be healthy for my family, but when I feel like I don't matter to anyone, it is hard to talk myself out of eating those cookies. So, maybe that craving for a cookie (or whatever) isn't really a craving for a cookie, but for something else.
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