I'm participating in my very first online Bible Study, Made to Crave, through Proverbs 31 Ministries. I decided at the beginning of the year that I needed to be more focused on God and went searching for a daily devotional. The Proverbs 31 devotionals seemed perfect for me so I signed up! Before I knew it, they were advertising an online Bible study about overcoming food issues and making real change in your life. Hmmm...since I am still struggling to lose my "baby weight" that I gained while pregnant with my four-year-old, this seemed like a great fit.
One of the challenges that was put to us this week is to identify our other cravings besides food. At first, I wasn't sure how to name them, but then it hit me: importance. I long to feel important or significant. I am a stay at home mom and I'm pretty sure that if anything happened to me the only people that would miss me are my husband and my children. I don't do anything for the community, so I don't think anyone in the community would miss me. I don't even have any really close friends that I think would be deeply effected by the loss.
This came to me this morning because of a situation at my daughter's school. I am the room mom for her first grade class and today is the 100th day of school. Her teacher asked me to bring in a special treat to celebrate. So on Tuesday, I sent her an e-mail asking what time I should bring the snack. It's Thursday and she still hasn't responded. Well, she hasn't responded because her 5-month-old daughter is sick in the hospital and she hasn't been at school. But I've been so consumed with selfishness and this need to feel important that I have just been mad at her for not responding.
It's not the first time something like this has happened. For whatever reason, people just don't seem to feel a need to respond to my e-mails. When it happens, I get so consumed by it that I can't think of anything else. Why aren't they responding? Don't I matter to them? Isn't my child important enough to warrant a response? Why am I not important to them? I let it overtake me so much that I start to think I'm not important to anyone, even my family. And then I eat. I eat because I think it will satisfy that craving to feel important. I say I want to be healthy for my family, but when I feel like I don't matter to anyone, it is hard to talk myself out of eating those cookies. So, maybe that craving for a cookie (or whatever) isn't really a craving for a cookie, but for something else.
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Elizabeth I know exactly how you feel. Thank you for being honest.
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting. It's good to know I'm not the only one!
DeleteI too can relate. ( I clicked to read your blog b/c of Donald..we just got back from Disney on Monday.) But I read the post b/c you caught me on craving importance.
ReplyDeleteNever thought of that…but oh so true. I am hoping later to add a blog post myself.
We just got back from Disney on Monday as well! I hope you had a great time! That picture of me with Donald was actually taken five years ago after I completed the Disney half marathon.
DeleteI appreciate your honesty and openness. I know sometimes it can be difficult to be transparent and put yourself out there. I believe God led me to your blog today to encourage you...(1 Peter 2:9) "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." You are important to God and He does not make mistakes! I pray against lies of the devil of un-importance. I pray that they would have no authority over you. God has chosen you for a purpose. I will be praying for you throughout this journey.
ReplyDeleteMy name is Sara Dillman and I am a small group leader for group #43. I am so thankful first of all that you have. Host to take part in this bible study. Honesty is the first step to success and you are amazing! The thoughts that you were thinking are normal and I have felt them too! I pray that you don't let such thoughts bring you down, but instead look at them as a way for you to draw closer to God.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth, you are definitely not alone. And not because you are a stay at home mom. I'm a working mom, with lots of co-workers. I still get that same feeling of unimportance if someone doesn't respond. But I think the older I get, the less it happens. Probably the best thing you could have ever done is admitted this openly. Next time you get the feeling, do what Jesus did when he was tempted by Satan. Quote scripture out loud beginning with "It is written". A short and sweet one that I always say, party because it's easy to remember is "He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world". It also reminds me that He is in me!! If He is in you, then you know you are important.
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