(Not) Yelling

This not yelling thing is hard. So far, I have not been successful. Well, last week was easy, we were on vacation. Yes, there was irritation, especially when the kids refused to go to sleep at night, but I don't think I yelled at all the entire time we were gone. The days we have been at home, however, were not so easy. Overall, I've done pretty well. I counted to 3 and took away ice cream scoops and took lots of deep breaths, but I have yelled. So, I've been thinking about when I tend to yell. What is the environment like? Are we playing and enjoying ourselves? Am I trying to get something done? What am I yelling about? I've learned 3 things: 1) I am usually yelling before I realize I am yelling. 2) I tend to get more irritated with the kids and yell more when I am being selfish (i.e. just want to do my own thing while the kids play on their own/watch TV). 3) Trying to get my 4-year-old to clean up often leads to yelling.

I could probably write a lot about #2. I probably wasn't really meant to be a stay at home mom. I'm not one of those moms who wakes up her kid from a 3-hour-nap because I started to miss him (seriously, someone told me that she does that). You won't hear me talking about how I just cherish every second that I spend with my children and wish I could spend even more time with them. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I do enjoy spending time with them, but I definitely need time away! I am often selfish and have a bad attitude. I get frustrated that my husband isn't here more and when he is here, he seems more concerned about crossing things off his list than spending time with me and the kids, or helping me. I get frustrated that I never get to sleep in or just have a morning that I don't have to get up and take care of everyone. I get irritated when I don't get a "weekend." These are the times when my "yelling" is the worst.

I guess I need to figure out how to deal better with these things. I need to pay attention to what is going on before I start yelling, so that I can keep myself from yelling. I need to find a way to make cleaning a more regular part of our day so that when I ask Kaitlin to clean up, there isn't so much drama. I need to accept the choice I have made to be a SAHM and put aside my own desires at times. I also need to be more intentional about doing things for myself so that I don't get so overwhelmed with selfish thoughts and desires.

Ice Cream Scoops

One of the reasons I think I often end up yelling at Kaitlin is because I just don't know what else to do. We've struggled to find a discipline strategy that works for us. I hope that we've finally found something - now if we could just be consistent with it! Kaitlin loves to have dessert for bed and when she doesn't get dessert, she gets very upset! One day, she actually suggested that if she gets two time outs in a day, she shouldn't get dessert. Since she made up the rule, we tried to follow it. We haven't been great about it, but we decided to modify it a bit going off her suggestion. I cut out an ice cream cone with three different colored ice cream scoops. If Kaitlin gets sent to timeout, I remove an ice cream scoop. If there are no scoops left at the end of the day, she doesn't get dessert.



This is very similar to the system they use at preschool and she seems to understand that pretty well. At school, they start each day on green. For one timeout they go to yellow and for two timeouts they go to red. On Friday, if they were on green all week, they get to pick something out of the treasure box. They also have a chance to get from yellow back to green (but once they're on red, they stay on red). That's where the sprinkles come in. If Kaitlin loses an ice cream scoop, she can earn it back if she gets three sprinkles. She can get a sprinkle by doing various things such as: sharing with her brother, or doing something the first time she is asked. I like this because it encourages me to focus on the positive things more. I definitely need help with that!

Stop Yelling!

I don't think I've ever given anything up for lent before. I've always said I would read the Bible more or pray more, but I usually make a half-hearted effort. This year, for some odd reason, I have felt a pull to "give something up" for lent. So, I started thinking about it and just couldn't seem to decide on anything. Several people I know have given up facebook. And I thought about that a lot. I do spend too much time on the computer instead of playing with my kids or working around the house and it would be a sacrifice. I decided it wasn't the right thing though. Mainly because as a stay at home mom, sometimes that is my connection to the outside world. I kind of gave up the idea of giving something up. After all, it's not something that I've ever done or felt like I had to do. But then, after yelling at one of my kids one day, and getting mad at myself for losing control...again, I decided that I would give up yelling. My kids are just being kids and most of the time, they don't really deserve to be yelled out. So, today I gave up yelling. It's going to be tough, but if I rely on God, I'm sure I can find another way to deal with their misbehavior that won't leave me feeling like I've just verbally abused my children.

My desire to stop yelling at my kids was partially motivated by this picture that someone posted on facebook. Forgive me for not knowing who wrote this. (If you know, please fill me in so that I can give the person credit.)


The first time I read this, that sentence "Stop yelling" stood out. I know that I love my children, even when I am mad at them. But do they? When I yell at my kids, am I showing them love? Do they feel loved? If I had to guess, I would guess not. Children are not just little adults and they can't be expected to behave like adults or think like adults. As an adult, who is capable of reasoning, I have to be the one to change.