(Not) Yelling

This not yelling thing is hard. So far, I have not been successful. Well, last week was easy, we were on vacation. Yes, there was irritation, especially when the kids refused to go to sleep at night, but I don't think I yelled at all the entire time we were gone. The days we have been at home, however, were not so easy. Overall, I've done pretty well. I counted to 3 and took away ice cream scoops and took lots of deep breaths, but I have yelled. So, I've been thinking about when I tend to yell. What is the environment like? Are we playing and enjoying ourselves? Am I trying to get something done? What am I yelling about? I've learned 3 things: 1) I am usually yelling before I realize I am yelling. 2) I tend to get more irritated with the kids and yell more when I am being selfish (i.e. just want to do my own thing while the kids play on their own/watch TV). 3) Trying to get my 4-year-old to clean up often leads to yelling.

I could probably write a lot about #2. I probably wasn't really meant to be a stay at home mom. I'm not one of those moms who wakes up her kid from a 3-hour-nap because I started to miss him (seriously, someone told me that she does that). You won't hear me talking about how I just cherish every second that I spend with my children and wish I could spend even more time with them. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I do enjoy spending time with them, but I definitely need time away! I am often selfish and have a bad attitude. I get frustrated that my husband isn't here more and when he is here, he seems more concerned about crossing things off his list than spending time with me and the kids, or helping me. I get frustrated that I never get to sleep in or just have a morning that I don't have to get up and take care of everyone. I get irritated when I don't get a "weekend." These are the times when my "yelling" is the worst.

I guess I need to figure out how to deal better with these things. I need to pay attention to what is going on before I start yelling, so that I can keep myself from yelling. I need to find a way to make cleaning a more regular part of our day so that when I ask Kaitlin to clean up, there isn't so much drama. I need to accept the choice I have made to be a SAHM and put aside my own desires at times. I also need to be more intentional about doing things for myself so that I don't get so overwhelmed with selfish thoughts and desires.