A Healthy Snack

A healthy snack full of polyphenols and fiber!

My Truth

What truth do I live by? Well, it's certainly not God's truth. I'm not sure why it is so difficult for me to embrace God's truth. The truth that I am loved by him, I am his child, and I am important to him. But this is something I have struggled with for a very long time. I can't think of a day that has gone by that I didn't think some negative thought about myself or beat myself up over something. Some days, I handle it better than others. Today is not one of those days. School was cancelled due to weather and the possibility of dangerous road conditions. I had to take the kids with me to get plates for my son's preschool Valentine's Day party tomorrow and while we were out, I was supposed to buy my husband a Valentine's Day card and run a couple other errands. I was so distracted by their whining and horrible behavior that I completely forgot about the card. I remembered on the way home, but the little one was hungry and wanting more lunch so I decided not to stop to at the drug store near our house to get a card (I still don't know when I'm going to get him one). So, I'm sitting at the kitchen beating myself up about what a horrible wife I am because I can't ever seem to think ahead to buy him a card for anything and then I get all stressed out trying to get it done on time. And I want chocolate. And I haven't had the kids make Valentine's for him either (they made mine on Monday) so I start beating myself up over that too. "Why can't I be more organized, like Keven? He's always thinking ahead and planning and gets things done on time," "I'm no good at anything, etc, etc." And I still want chocolate.

So, I'm sitting at the kitchen table thinking about what a horrible wife I am and my four-year-old starts to have one of his massive temper tantrums (seriously, I don't think it's normal). He gets so mean and then screams and cries and starts to hyperventilate and I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know how to deal with his mean-ness in these situations and I don't know  how to deal with the tantrum. Nothing I do seems to work except to give in to him. My eyes are starting to tear up because I just don't know what to do and the negative thoughts start to take over: "I'm a terrible mom," "I'm mean," "Why can't I do anything right?," "I can't do this anymore," "I need chocolate." And I still want chocolate, but I know I don't need it. So, instead of eating chocolate, I'm writing this blog post. Maybe it's not the best solution, but it's better than giving in to the craving for chocolate. I'm fighting the cycle and maybe that's good enough for today. Well,  I'm hungry now, so I'm off to get some chocolate grapes.

Victory Then -----> Victory Now

This week, one of the blog hop topics is to write about a past victory. Last week, someone commented that she clicked on my post because of the picture of me and Donald Duck on my profile. I thought it was a little ironic since that picture was taken five years ago after I completed the Donald Duck Half Marathon at Disney World. It was a wonderful weekend! My crazy husband ran the half marathon with me on Saturday and then ran the full marathon on Sunday, completing the "Goofy Race and a Half Challenge." What was ironic about it is that my half marathon training was part of my weight loss plan to get back to my prepregnancy weight. I had started training, but wasn't losing any weight. Probably because I was still eating pretty much whatever I wanted. Some friends of mine were talking about going to Weight Watchers and I had been thinking of going too, so the three of us all started at the same time. I wouldn't say we held each other accountable, but I did find myself wanting to do well because I didn't want them to lose more weight than me! I guess a little friendly competition can be motivating for me! I did great on the Weight Watchers plan and met my goal of getting down to my prepregnancy weight before my daughter's first birthday. I felt great about myself and planned to keep up with WW and keep running. But....a few months later, I got pregnant! I was very excited and planned to continue exercising and eating well, but being pregnant and chasing a toddler don't mix! I felt nauseous most of the time and boy was I tired! I gained more weight with this pregnancy than I did the first. I knew if I started Weight Watchers as soon as possible after my son's birth, I would be able to get the weight off again. So, as soon as I was ready, I went back to Weight Watchers. I was nursing, so I got loads of extra points! After a few weeks, I felt like my milk supply was getting low and ultimately decided to quit WW for a while in order to keep nursing. I can't even tell you how many times I have started WW since then and quit. Usually it only lasts for a week or two and then I give up. It's usually because I have slipped and can't get myself past it: "Oh, it's Thursday and I've already used up all my extra points for the week, there's no way I can make it through the weekend" or "this is too hard with little kids" or "I just need to accept that I'm going to be fat forever and learn to live with it." Not very positive things to tell myself. But, I'm determined to break this terrible cycle and get healthy! I know that I can do it because I have done it before. I may have two kids now instead of one, but that just gives me one more reason to push through the temptation and do this!

A Raging Battle

I'm participating in my very first online Bible Study, Made to Crave, through Proverbs 31 Ministries. I decided at the beginning of the year that I needed to be more focused on God and went searching for a daily devotional. The Proverbs 31 devotionals seemed perfect for me so I signed up! Before I knew it, they were advertising an online Bible study about overcoming food issues and making real change in your life. Hmmm...since I am still struggling to lose my "baby weight" that I gained while pregnant with my four-year-old, this seemed like a great fit.

One of the challenges that was put to us this week is to identify our other cravings besides food. At first, I wasn't sure how to name them, but then it hit me: importance. I long to feel important or significant. I am a stay at home mom and I'm pretty sure that if anything happened to me the only people that would miss me are my husband and my children. I don't do anything for the community, so I don't think anyone in the community would miss me. I don't even have any really close friends that I think would be deeply effected by the loss.

This came to me this morning because of a situation at my daughter's school. I am the room mom for her first grade class and today is the 100th day of school. Her teacher asked me to bring in a special treat to celebrate. So on Tuesday, I sent her an e-mail asking what time I should bring the snack. It's Thursday and she still hasn't responded. Well, she hasn't responded because her 5-month-old daughter is sick in the hospital and she hasn't been at school. But I've been so consumed with selfishness and this need to feel important that I have just been mad at her for not responding.

It's not the first time something like this has happened. For whatever reason, people just don't seem to feel a need to respond to my e-mails. When it happens, I get so consumed by it that I can't think of anything else. Why aren't they responding? Don't I matter to them? Isn't my child important enough to warrant a response? Why am I not important to them?  I let it overtake me so much that I start to think I'm not important to anyone, even my family. And then I eat. I eat because I think it will satisfy that craving to feel important. I say I want to be healthy for my family, but when I feel like I don't matter to anyone, it is hard to talk myself out of eating those cookies. So, maybe that craving for a cookie (or whatever) isn't really a craving for a cookie, but for something else.

Wishful Organization

So, I know that my husband is going to make fun of this picture and this confession, but I love this shelf in my kitchen cabinet.

One day a couple of months ago, I put the plates away in rainbow color order. I loved it! So I kept doing it. And I started doing the same thing with the cups and bowls. It looks so neat and pretty. It doesn't look bad when they are not in order, but something about the rainbow order just makes me smile. Yesterday, I had a realization. It's not just about the dishes looking pretty in a certain order, this cabinet represents something. It represents what I wish the rest of my house looked like. You see, right now, the kitchen counters look like this:

This...

And this.

And oh, is that a dining room table under there? With a Valentine's Day table cloth?

That's pretty much what our whole house always looks like. The kitchen table is cleaned off right now, but usually we're pushing aside magazines, papers, and kids' artwork to put down our plates. I won't even mention the bathrooms! I just can't seem to get a handle on organizing my stuff and my time. As much as I love having clean counter tops, I just can't seem to keep them that way.

I've tried following FlyLady and she has some really great ideas, but her sticky note system is a bit much for me. I've downloaded multiple daily cleaning schedules that I vowed I was going to follow everyday (and I usually do for about two days). But they never seem to work for me. I always feel like I spend my entire day ignoring my kids to get everything done. And then, a week later it is a wreck again! But that cabinet is clean. It is neat. It is organized. It is pretty!

(Not) Yelling

This not yelling thing is hard. So far, I have not been successful. Well, last week was easy, we were on vacation. Yes, there was irritation, especially when the kids refused to go to sleep at night, but I don't think I yelled at all the entire time we were gone. The days we have been at home, however, were not so easy. Overall, I've done pretty well. I counted to 3 and took away ice cream scoops and took lots of deep breaths, but I have yelled. So, I've been thinking about when I tend to yell. What is the environment like? Are we playing and enjoying ourselves? Am I trying to get something done? What am I yelling about? I've learned 3 things: 1) I am usually yelling before I realize I am yelling. 2) I tend to get more irritated with the kids and yell more when I am being selfish (i.e. just want to do my own thing while the kids play on their own/watch TV). 3) Trying to get my 4-year-old to clean up often leads to yelling.

I could probably write a lot about #2. I probably wasn't really meant to be a stay at home mom. I'm not one of those moms who wakes up her kid from a 3-hour-nap because I started to miss him (seriously, someone told me that she does that). You won't hear me talking about how I just cherish every second that I spend with my children and wish I could spend even more time with them. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I do enjoy spending time with them, but I definitely need time away! I am often selfish and have a bad attitude. I get frustrated that my husband isn't here more and when he is here, he seems more concerned about crossing things off his list than spending time with me and the kids, or helping me. I get frustrated that I never get to sleep in or just have a morning that I don't have to get up and take care of everyone. I get irritated when I don't get a "weekend." These are the times when my "yelling" is the worst.

I guess I need to figure out how to deal better with these things. I need to pay attention to what is going on before I start yelling, so that I can keep myself from yelling. I need to find a way to make cleaning a more regular part of our day so that when I ask Kaitlin to clean up, there isn't so much drama. I need to accept the choice I have made to be a SAHM and put aside my own desires at times. I also need to be more intentional about doing things for myself so that I don't get so overwhelmed with selfish thoughts and desires.

Ice Cream Scoops

One of the reasons I think I often end up yelling at Kaitlin is because I just don't know what else to do. We've struggled to find a discipline strategy that works for us. I hope that we've finally found something - now if we could just be consistent with it! Kaitlin loves to have dessert for bed and when she doesn't get dessert, she gets very upset! One day, she actually suggested that if she gets two time outs in a day, she shouldn't get dessert. Since she made up the rule, we tried to follow it. We haven't been great about it, but we decided to modify it a bit going off her suggestion. I cut out an ice cream cone with three different colored ice cream scoops. If Kaitlin gets sent to timeout, I remove an ice cream scoop. If there are no scoops left at the end of the day, she doesn't get dessert.



This is very similar to the system they use at preschool and she seems to understand that pretty well. At school, they start each day on green. For one timeout they go to yellow and for two timeouts they go to red. On Friday, if they were on green all week, they get to pick something out of the treasure box. They also have a chance to get from yellow back to green (but once they're on red, they stay on red). That's where the sprinkles come in. If Kaitlin loses an ice cream scoop, she can earn it back if she gets three sprinkles. She can get a sprinkle by doing various things such as: sharing with her brother, or doing something the first time she is asked. I like this because it encourages me to focus on the positive things more. I definitely need help with that!

Stop Yelling!

I don't think I've ever given anything up for lent before. I've always said I would read the Bible more or pray more, but I usually make a half-hearted effort. This year, for some odd reason, I have felt a pull to "give something up" for lent. So, I started thinking about it and just couldn't seem to decide on anything. Several people I know have given up facebook. And I thought about that a lot. I do spend too much time on the computer instead of playing with my kids or working around the house and it would be a sacrifice. I decided it wasn't the right thing though. Mainly because as a stay at home mom, sometimes that is my connection to the outside world. I kind of gave up the idea of giving something up. After all, it's not something that I've ever done or felt like I had to do. But then, after yelling at one of my kids one day, and getting mad at myself for losing control...again, I decided that I would give up yelling. My kids are just being kids and most of the time, they don't really deserve to be yelled out. So, today I gave up yelling. It's going to be tough, but if I rely on God, I'm sure I can find another way to deal with their misbehavior that won't leave me feeling like I've just verbally abused my children.

My desire to stop yelling at my kids was partially motivated by this picture that someone posted on facebook. Forgive me for not knowing who wrote this. (If you know, please fill me in so that I can give the person credit.)


The first time I read this, that sentence "Stop yelling" stood out. I know that I love my children, even when I am mad at them. But do they? When I yell at my kids, am I showing them love? Do they feel loved? If I had to guess, I would guess not. Children are not just little adults and they can't be expected to behave like adults or think like adults. As an adult, who is capable of reasoning, I have to be the one to change.

12 Weeks

So, I ate really well (or so I thought) for one week without counting points or keeping a food journal or anything like that, but when I weighed myself at the end of the week, I had gained half a pound. I was very discouraged, but realized that I need to count points or keep track of what I'm eating somehow. So, I started counting points that day (Weight Watchers points, I mean). I did great for 4 days, writing down everything I ate and calculating points. Then, it came time to bake a birthday cake for my 2 year old's birthday party. I made three boxes of mix and licked the batter from the bowl all three times. Then, I ate the excess cake after cutting off the bottoms (so it would be flat on the bottom). Since I'd already messed up big time and certainly went over my weekly point allowance, I just gave up for the week. And of course, I gained another half pound. I know this is the wrong attitude, I just can't seem to overcome it. It's the same thing that happens to me every time I start WW.

I keep thinking that if I could just see some results, it would help me stay motivated. For some reason, I think if I exercise one day or eat really well one day, I should look better the next day. I recently saw this quote on Pinterest:

"It takes 4 weeks for you to notice your body changing,
8 weeks for your friends, and 12 weeks for the rest of the world.
Give it 12 weeks. Don't quit."
(http://pictureperfectbodywerkit.tumblr.com/post/15297873681)

I definitely need to remember this.

I had a bit of a reality check this morning. I went to the doctor for my annual checkup, and she suggested I get my thyroid checked because I have gained so much weight over the last year and a half. Honestly, I think I have gained this weight because I don't take care of myself, but in a way I sort of hope there is something wrong with my thyroid so that I have an excuse for being such a pig!

Anyway, instead of waiting until Monday to start counting points again, I've decided to start tomorrow. I will just give myself half of the weekly allowance points so that I can start a new week on Monday. Why not start today? Well, we have our small group tonight and we always do a pot luck meal, so I figured I would just start tomorrow and not set myself up for failure!

Update 1/19: I got a call from the doctor's office this morning and my thyroid test came back normal. I guess I don't have any excuses for the way I've been eating.

Skinny Bitch

So, after my daughter was born in 2007, I decided to join Weight Watchers with some friends and I lost lots of weight! My goal was to be back at my pre-pregnancy weight before my daughter's first birthday in August and I did it!! I did it with 2 weeks to spare. I even lost a couple of extra pounds before her birthday. I wasn't super skinny and honestly, I never have been, but I was a healthy weight. And I looked great!! I'm sure at the time, I didn't think I looked great. Yes, I was thin, but I still had flabby arms and a bit of a muffin top (you can see it in one of the pictures). When I look at the pictures now, I'm amazed at how good I looked! Here are some pictures:



Here are some pictures of me now:



I couldn't find as many pictures to post because I pretty much hide from the camera these days. I can't stand to look at pictures of myself because I've gotten so fat. I feel horrible. I'm out of shape. I can barely sing a short song to my kids without getting out of breath. My body feels stiff and yucky. I really don't know how to describe it. For some reason, I just haven't been able to motivate myself to lose weight since my son was born nearly two years ago. I went to Weight Watchers, I started running, I'm even in two groups on facebook devoted to encouraging each other to exercise and eat well. So, I'm hoping that by posting some pictures of me as a "skinny bitch" around the house, I will be reminded of my goals.

I was hoping to fit into my wedding dress by our 10th wedding anniversary in May,but I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen. It would mean I would have to lose 40 pounds in about 20 weeks, which I don't think is feasible. So, my new goal is to be down to my pre-pregnancy weight by my daughter's 5th birthday in August.

Precious Babes

I had a little scare today. I took Ethan in his room for a nap this afternoon and when I came out, Kaitlin was gone. First, I looked in all her usual "hiding" spots; calling her name and expecting to hear a little giggle or "here I am." When I didn't find her in her usual spots I started searching elsewhere. I checked the back door. I checked the piano room and it's closet and bathroom. I was really starting to get worried. Should I call someone? What do I do? As I was leaving the piano room I noticed the door knob cover on the floor by the front door. The door was unlocked. I ran outside, with no shoes on, and called for Kaitlin. She said "here I am" and grinned up at me from the swing on the side of the porch. I was so relieved and so mad at her at the same time. I knew I shouldn't really let her swing, she needed to be punished, but I was so happy that she was OK, that I didn't really care about punishing her. I gave her a big hug and reminded her that she must always ask permission before going outside. And then I pushed her in the swing.

Ironic that this should happen on the same day that Casey Anthony was found not guilty of murdering her precious little girl. I haven't really followed the trial, but I have thought she was guilty from the beginning. To not report your child missing for thirty days? That is suspicious! All of this little episode at my house happened in a time span of about 10 minutes or less and I had already thought about calling the police. Yes, my children frustrate me, irritate me, and make me mad. Yes, I would like to have more time to do the things that I want to do. Yes, it would be nice to not have to coordinate schedules with my husband all the time to make sure the kids are taken care of. Yes, it would be nice to be able to just hop in the car and run to the store without worrying about nap schedules, snacks, drinks, diapers, going pee pee on the potty, and fastening car seats. But I would never dream of hurting them. They are my heart. They are precious. I'm doing my best to love them, take care of them and teach them. And if anything were to happen to either of my kids on my watch, I don't know that I would ever be able to forgive myself.

Message to Heaven

Whenever Kaitlin sees balloons in the sky, she always says they are going to heaven. She often asks if she can hold on to a balloon and go up to heaven to visit Harley. I do my best to explain that she can't visit heaven so instead, we send messages to Harley via balloon. Kaitlin colored a picture and I transcribed her message to Harley on the back. We were quite sad thinking about Harley and talking about him. He was such a great dog! Kaitlin just adored him from day 1 and she is always asking when we are going to get a new dog. She always wants to pet the dogs we see when we are out and wants them to lick her hands like Harley did. She is going to be so excited when we bring home our new puppy!

Focused Moms Challenge - Week 3 Results

Well, I have not done a very good job of "unplugging" this week! The challenge this week was to unplug our kids. A couple of ways of doing this might be to limit the amount of "screen time" your child gets or designate a "screen-free" time each day. I already try to limit Kaitlin's TV time to about 2 hours a day, but I thought it would probably be good to have a screen-free time as well. I decided that we would have our screen-free time in the morning - no TV until after lunch. This works out really well because the kids are in school two mornings a week. Plus, my 3-year-old doesn't nap anymore, so I often use TV as downtime for her in the afternoon. This week we had Easter Egg Hunts on Wednesday and Friday mornings so we were too busy for TV anyway. I thought we were doing great until Friday morning when I realized that Kaitlin had been playing games on my iPhone for a half hour. I didn't think anything of it at first and then realized that is also screen time! Oops!

I also didn't really limit TV time as much this week as I normally do. Mainly because I have been making a smocked bishop dress for Kaitlin and was trying to get it done before Easter. I really had no idea what a long process it would be. It seems like everytime I think I am close to finishing, I realize something else that needs to be done before I can move on to the next step. It has been very frustrating and I'm pretty sure I'll never make another one! Although I will have the dress ready for Easter, it's looking like Kaitlin won't even be going to church. She woke up coughing this morning and had thrown up in her bed in the night. Poor thing didn't even realize she had done that. This afternoon, she developed a fever. I guess maybe God is trying to send me a message to slow down and not worry so much about material things, like having the perfect dress for Easter.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those people whose child has to be dressed to the nines for church or have the most beautiful dress on Easter Sunday. I do usually do buy a nice dress for Easter for Kaitlin because that is something I remember doing as a kid and I liked it. I always felt special and beautiful in my new dress. This year, I just happened to take a smocking class in March where I started the dress and thought it would be nice to get the dress finished for Easter. I do think that I may have gotten a little obsessed with it though! All in all it was a pretty good week. I hit a bit of a slump towards the end of the week, but I'm pulling myself out of it.

Focused Moms Challenge - Week 2

Well, I did OK this week. Polly from ChildPsychMom.com put a few wallet size pictures of the Crosswalk Safety Sign in my mailbox, so I immediately put two of them on my computer. One is on the outside of my laptop so that I can see it when the laptop is closed. The other is taped on the top of the screen. I really wanted to put it next to the keyboard out of the way, but I knew I wouldn't see it as easily there. It was very difficult to find a "good" spot for it. If I were to put it on the left of the screen, it covers up the box where you type in a web address as well as the google search bar. In the middle, it covers the camera and Internet Explorer tabs. On the right side of the screen, it covers the little "x" to close a window as well as my favorites. I ended up putting it on the top left of the screen and yes, it covers up the box where you type in a web page. It is very annoying, but I always see it and that is the important thing. I had one more picture so I asked my husband if there was anywhere else he thought I should put it, and he couldn't think of anywhere. Kaitlin has now lost it.

Our new challenge for this week was to "unplug" by setting up some restrictions for ourselves regarding our distractions. Polly had a very ambitious goal of not using her distraction anytime her kids are around. Since I am a stay-at-home mom and my kids only go to school two days a week, I didn't really feel like that was going to work for me. I decided to try to limit myself to checking the computer three times a day. Once in the morning, once in the afternoon, and once after the kids go to bed. I try to close the computer when I'm not using it and that reminds me that I need to wait. My youngest still naps so I try to check when he is napping and Kaitlin is occupied with something, usually TV. I did decide that I will only put on a show if she asks for it, and not just so I can get on the computer! I also put a pad of paper and a pen next to the computer so that I can write down anything I want to do on the computer.

I did pretty well following these restrictions. I even got to our small group Wednesday night and did not know a couple pieces of information that had been sent out late in the afternoon via e-mail. Good thing they weren't super important! My in-laws were in town at the end of the week so it was a little easier to get away from the kids because they were having so much fun with MomMom and PopPop! I even got some major housework done!

Tomorrow starts Week 3 of the Focused Moms Challenge. If you haven't already joined, head on over to ChildPsychMom.com to check it out! I'm looking forward to seeing what the challenge is for the coming week.

In A Minute...

I just remembered something else I wanted to post about week one. I've noticed lately that Kaitlin frequently tells me "in a minute" or "I'm doing something right now" when I ask her to do something. It drives me crazy!! This week, I realized that she says that to me because I say it to her..a lot! Why do I think that the things I'm doing are so much more important than what she is doing? And why should she stop what she's doing to do what I want her to do when I don't do that for her? Maybe scribbling on a piece of paper or filling up a box with "surprises" doesn't seem productive to me, but to a three-year-old that is learning. Playing is her job right now just like keeping up the house is mine and I need to respect that. That doesn't mean I should have to ask five times for her to do something, but maybe I could respect her job a little bit more and be a bit more patient with her when she is doing something.

Week One Results

Well, I never did put up any pictures to remind me of the Focused Moms Challenge. I was doing so well at the beginning of the week that I didn't think it would really be necessary. I fell off a little towards the end of the week, mainly because Kaitlin wasn't feeling well and so she took a couple naps and watched a lot of TV. It's so easy to gravitate towards the computer when she is watching a show or movie because she gets totally involved in whatever she is watching. Occasionally she will ask for a snack or ask me to pause the movie if she needs a potty break, but it's pretty much uninterupted me-time. I should be using that time to get other things done so that I can spend time with her when the show is over.

A couple of things that I was reminded of this week:

- Kaitlin gets in less trouble when I spend time with her. She is not as bored and doesn't need to do anything negative to get my attention.

- I feel better when I am productive. When I spend time doing things around the house, I do not feel guilty for not taking care of my family and home.

- I am in a better mood when I spend time with actual people. When I spend time with my kids instead of on facebook, I am happier. Face to face interaction is still the best way to build relationships with people and to feel fulfilled. Plus, when I check facebook every 30 minutes and get upset that I don't have any notifications, I start to feel depressed. If I check less frequently and have notifications, it's more fun :)


- Ethan doesn't cry as much when I am not on the computer. My little man needs attention from his Mommy. He is only one. He does enjoy playing by himself sometimes, but he can't do that all day. He needs smiles and tickles and encouragement.

- When I am not distracted by the computer, I am distracted by other things. Emptying the dishwasher, doing laundry, cooking, and smocking are among them. This is a tough one because most of these are things that need to be done. I guess the challenge is trying to balance those things.

- When I am busy, I don't eat as much. And I probably burn more calories than I would sitting at the computer. I have been struggling to lose weight since Ethan was born. Now that he is done nursing, it is time.

If you haven't joined the Focused Moms Challenge, it's not too late! Head over to ChildPsychMom.com and check it out.

The Focused Moms Challenge

So, I've decided to participate in The Focused Moms Challenge over at ChildPsychMom.com. Why am I doing this? Well, I'm distracted. I'm distracted from my children during the day and I'm distracted from doing the things I need to do to take care of my family, such as laundry, cleaning, and taking care of myself. I know those things aren't as important as spending time with my children, but they are important to our family and my marriage!

What are the things that distract me? Mostly, the computer. I know, I know, I'm blogging about how the computer is a distraction, but I'm hoping that blogging about the challenge will help me stay accountable. I spend way too much time on facebook, checking e-mail, and reading blogs. There are a couple of reasons that these things distract me. The first reason is that I really don't want to do housework. I hate cleaning. I hate doing laundry. And I hate emptying the dishwasher. The main reason that I think I let these things distract me is that I'm looking for a connection. I'm a stay-at-home mom so I don't really get a lot of adult interaction. So, I get some of that fulfilled through facebook.

I also don't really have close friends. The person I would still consider my best friend lives several states away and has a very different life than I do. I haven't seen her in years and the last time we talked on the phone, I commented that it had been a long time and she casually responded that she keeps up with what I'm doing on facebook. So, I think I am looking for friendships on facebook. I think, however, the connection that I'm really looking for (and need) can not be found on facebook. And that is a connection with God. I still believe in God and have faith in Him, but my personal relationship with God has really taken a backseat since I had children.

So, that's a little about me and why I'm participating in the Focused Moms Challenge. Step One for this week is to tell someone that you are doing this. Check! I think I will have to finish up Step Two tomorrow which is to place a reminder near your biggest distractions to remind you of the challenge. I still need to get my grocery list made so that I can make the most my kid-free time in the morning

Finally!

Today, I took a garbage bag full of clothes and a shopping bag full of shoes that I don't wear anymore to the thrift store. They have been in my room for months just waiting to be put in the car. It felt good to finally get them out of here! I'm not really following FlyLady's system exactly, but she has definitely given me some good ideas and a little motivation! I'm trying to just focus on keeping the kitchen clean right now (starting small is one of FlyLady's suggestions). I've actually found that cleaning up in the kitchen motivates me to do other things as well. It's nice having clutter-free counter tops!

Inspiration

I've been following the story of a young woman named Katherine Wolf for a while now. I don't know her, but her story is so inspiring that I can't help but follow. About 9months ago, Katherine had an AVM rupture, which is sort of like a stroke, but different. Anyway, the doctors never expected her to recover at all and are amazed by the progress she has made. Despite her amazing recovery, Katherine still can not walk or eat. She can't even take care of her one year old son. Whenever I feel overwhelmed by the task of caring for a toddler, or frustrated because I'm trying to cook dinner and Kaitlin wants to be held, or worthless because as a stay at home mom I don't contribute to society; I remember Katherine who can't even pick her son up when he cries. She posted an entry on her Caring Bridge sight the other day expressing excitement that she was able to put James' jacket on him all by herself. I'm so lucky that I'm able to take care of my child and play with her and read books to her and chase her around the house when she doesn't want to put on her coat or have her diaper changed! I'm trying to just enjoy all of it instead of taking her for granted and getting frustrated.

If you'd like to learn more about Katherine, you can visit her Caring Bridge sight at this link: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/katherinewolf or visit her mom's blog, here: http://katherineawolf.blogspot.com/

Organization

Well, my resolution to get organized isn't exactly going as planned. I had hoped to have more done by now, but I really haven't accomplished anything. I did go through some kitchen cabinets the other day and get rid of some stuff, and the counters are clutter free for the moment, but that's about it. Well, we found out yesterday that my husband got tenure at Auburn, so I cleaned off the kitchen table and put up some decorations to celebrate. I was so motivated by the clean table this afternoon that I decided to visit the FlyLady web page and follow her day by day steps to get out of chaos. So, today I cleaned my sink! I did the shortcut version of FlyLady's instructions because I had on good clothes and didn't want to deal with bleach, but my sink is very clean and I'm hoping to keep it that way. Tomorrow I will try step 2!